Monday, March 12, 2007

Spinstering along ...

I am rejected and dejected. My ‘emergency husband’ has gone and got himself affianced to someone else.

OK, so we hadn’t been in touch for a while, but we had an agreement. He promised he’d marry me if I reached 40 and was still a spinster. I’m not there yet, but a girl has to think about her options at this stage in the game.

I emailed him and railed against him for reneging on his vow. “Anyway, why are you still a spinster?” he replied. “You’re lovely.” That’s easy enough for you to say, I thought. You're not going to marry me.

At the weekend, one of the wee girls at the stables asked me if I had a husband. “No,” I said, “it’s just me, the cats and the horse.”

“And do your cats love you like your horse does?” she pressed.


“I think so,” I replied.

That’s something, isn’t it?

22 comments:

andy said...

Aww.....don't worry M&M, there's still time yet - marriages don't last long nowadays!

Maryanne Moll said...

Yes, you can have your turn yet! I like this blog. May I link up?

Gill said...

Funny how 21st century society still expects everyone to go around like Noah's ark animals isn't it? Lovely Mr Absinthe #1 thought he had to protect my honour when Mr Absinthe#2 called me a 'lonely single girl'-apparently there can be no worse insult!!

I've been married for 32 years and so I can tell you with authority that the whole thing is overrated and REALLY difficult at times, even when you love each other.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Thank you all!

Certainly can Maryanne Moll. Welcome along.

Arthur Clewley said...

once upon a time there were special balls held to marry off girls before they became left in the shelf. In France this was on St catherines day for all the single women who had reached 25 without marrying, who were themselves known as catherinettes.

maybe you should come down to Richmond which was in the Times a few years go as the place with the most single men to women ratio, perhaps related to the garrison next door, or Alston also has a shortage of women I believe.

Personally, I don't know what you look like but you seem very nice to me and I'm sure your cats will have to share you with someone sooner or later

Arthur Clewley said...

Sainte Catherine, soyez bonne
Nous n'avons plus d'espoir
qu'en vous
Vous êtes notre patronne
Ayez pitié de nous
Nous vous implorons à genoux
Aidez-nous à nous marier
Pitié, donnez-nous un époux
Car nous brûlons d'aimer
Daignez écouter la prière
De nos cœurs fortement épris
Oh, vous qui êtes notre mère
Donnez-nous un mari

and you have to wear a big green and yellow hat all day , on the 25th november I think

Debbie said...

really enjoyed your latest posts. Funny how animals can effectively bring you down to earth - what's the point of new trousers when sheep, dogs, pigs and the rest just slobber them up? Have added your link to www.mopsa.blogspot.com so friends can enjoy you too.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Cheers Debbie. Am liking your blog too...

Arthur, you are an education as well as being lovely.

I, however, am the wicked witch of the North East ...

Anonymous said...

Hmm..Not sure I understand this 'emergency husband' concept, so maybe you should post about it. Does this mean he is behind a plastic panel, which you break in case of emergency?

Or is it more a 'if you are both stuck on a Friday night' you can go down the pub and not talk to each other in a married couple kinda way ?

Or that you only have sex once in a blue moon, because like couples, you are too tired / exhausted / need some sleep etc. It does sound very interesting nevertheless...

mutterings and meanderings said...

Anon, an ‘emergency husband’ is someone who has agreed to step into the breach and marry you if you haven’t managed to obtain a husband by other means by a certain date.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...I think the first thing you need to do is 're-brand' yourself as a 'bachelorette' rather than old and fuddy - duddy term 'spinster'.

Being a bachelor is quite cool [well I think so] - you can come and go as you please, nobody to boss you around and nobody is suspicious if you are wasting time having a cappuccino and reading the paper in a cafe. These privileges should be extended to the babes of this world as well - so maybe the 'bachelorette' concept is a good place to start.

Why do you want to get married ? In days of old when knights were bold there was the obvious advantage of companionship and rumpy-pumpy, but that isn't the preserve of married people these days - in fact, you can choose when you want some and have independence when you don't.

What's not to like ?

mutterings and meanderings said...

Actually, my tongue is somewhat in my cheek… although I do wish people would stop asking me if I was ever going to hook a husband. However, I would like a big sparkling diamond ring and a party …

Karen said...

Heheh this blog gets better and better. Have linked to you at my Curiosity Corner.

Good luck avoid the evil scones!!

Anonymous said...

M&M, yes, I sensed the tongue-in-cheek thing, but there's many a true word twixt cup and lip, or something like that...

It does seem rather horrid, and not a little unfair, that if a woman is on her own somebody can nastily refer to her as 'lonely' whereas a bloke is just referred to as 'independent'.

For a man to be referred to as a 'loner' he has to have no friends at all, spend his days in 'kammo' clothes and spend the weekends out shooting, or even have committed some heinous crime.

Maybe we should ask Ellee, PR girl extraordinaire to pick up the gauntlet of re-branding ? Or at least design an 'in your face' t-shirt to stop people asking such silly questions ?

I saw a guy at the cafe/bar/cinema last night who had the slogan 'Who the f**k is Mick Jagger' on the front [but the expletive wasn't deleted].

Bing !!! Lightbulb moment !!! I have solved your problem !!!

You need a t-shirt which says 'I have no current plans to get married'.

Yes, that will work. Because when a politician says 'We have no current plans to put up taxes', you can guaran-bloody-tee they will do it.

And I used to work for a bank that said 'We have no current plans to outsource jobs to India'. Within a year, they had announced that they were sending jobs to INDIA !!!!!!

So that slogan will kill two birds with one stone.

1/ It will stop people asking such stupid-arse questions.

2/ They will immediately think 'What does she know that she isn't willing to tell us...'

And as we all know, mystery is an essential part of a woman's allure.

Ace blog by the way - we will be dropping by again. Cheerio..xx

Arthur Clewley said...

nah, if as M&M claims, she is the wicked witch of the north east then she's just wearing the wrong hat, simple as that. Get to it girl, millinery to get a millionaire, now, how to do one of those link things in a comment.. bugger it

http://lejourj.net/index.php?2006/01/22/34-les-catherinettes

mutterings and meanderings said...

Anon, I like the T-shirt idea ...

Arthur, I'm loving those hats ... I am quite a hat person.

The Grocer said...

Hey I used to work for a clothing comapny, with my connections and that idea we could go far, I should note I am married with twins arriving soon so no luck on that front.
I did however have an agreement with a girlfriend about 25 years ago that we would get married eventually, which I appear to have reneged on. Last time I contacted her to say hallo she told me she was gay, touche!

mutterings and meanderings said...

So Grocer, you were an 'emergency husband' as well? Do they all back out and marry someone else???

Anonymous said...

Hmm..I guess being an 'emergency husband' may be a little like being a 'guarantor' for a loan... People sign up for it without reading the small print.

It never ceased to amaze me how many people would sign up for our bank guarantor forms, and then suddenly would be all surprised some months later when we said, 'Mr A hasn't paid his loan off, so you are going to have to..'.

They would complain, but folks the 'legal eagles' have made sure that they are watertight without ANY get-out clauses. M&M, if we could find such a lawyer to draft the 'Emergency Husband' agreement you are home and free, methinks...

Gill said...

Karen could probably get you some headed notepaper from a solicitor's and draft you an official sounding form that you could trick some innocent Russell Brand lookalike with!

Karen said...

I think if I stole headed paper the firm wouldn't be too happy about that. Plus I'd probably get blacklisted with all the firms of solicitors in Carlisle.

While I don't want to be a legal secretary forever it is a handy source of income until I find something more my thing.

However, I could make you a Word template of an imaginary firm, or make a posher one using Quark... but probably the one in Word would be more user-friendly.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Trick? Trick? You think I have to trick someone into marrying me?

Nah, I will bewitch someone into jumping the broomstick ...