Monday, June 11, 2007

Blogasmic Ordering

Around a year ago, I decided to take a leaf out of a revived and resuscitated Noel Edmonds’ book and have a shot at Cosmic Ordering. The whole concept appealed to me – in simple terms, ask the universe and ye shall be given. I saw how Noel had resurfaced from the ignominy of Mr Blobby to become the darling of teatime telly with Deal or No Deal, and I thought: “I’ll have a bit of that.” After all, shy bairns get no sweets.

I wrote down my cosmic order – three things I wanted, and when I wanted them by – folded up the paper, stuffed it into a vase and left it alone so the wonderful things could start happening. I took the piece of paper out today. I had been precise in my orders (I know the universe has a sense of humour if you are hazy) and have received a sum total of half of one of my requests.

“There has to be something better than this,” I thought, then I realised I had indeed seen something better in action, in cyberspace…

Gill asked the green fairy for absinthe via her blog, and lo, absinthe appeared. I pined for Bigelow Earl Grey tea from America, and the lovely Dulwich Mum has sourced it for me.

I have decided to call my new method of wishing ‘Blogasmic Ordering’. All you have to do is send your desires out through cyberspace.


I would like please:

  1. A column in a newspaper or Sunday supplement.


  2. A horsebox so the Grey Mare and I can go on more outings.


  3. World peace and understanding.

Love M&M

I know the last one makes me sound a bit like a Miss World contestant, but let’s see what materialises …


30 comments:

Gill said...

ooh I love it-wishing you lots of blogasmic luck! Now I need to go and make my own wish list....

Anonymous said...

Hmmm..I do so hope you are joking, because 'cosmic ordering' is a load of old bollox, and nowhere near as effective as gill's 'blog ordering' which seems to have nothing do with the supernatural whatsoever.

Nothing wrong with a bit of positive thinking becoming a 'self-fulfilling prophecy', just as long as you don't confuse it for something else..

But as the Chinese might say 'Be careful what you wish for..'

Nunhead Mum of One said...

you see, I always "cosmic order" a decent parking space (am obsessive - and lazy - about parking miles from my destinatin) and I always get it. Luck or the cosmos?

Anonymous said...

Hmm..I would cheerfully bump off Barbara 'I've got my head stuck so far up own arse I can smell the coffee' Ellen for a modest fee so that you can have her slot on the Observer.

That said, it may not be worth bothering as she may get kicked out anyway as the 'dead-tree' press try to cut costs because their readers are turning to the blogosphere.

In fact, give it a year, and you may find that Barbara Ellen is grovelling to you for a 'guest blog' slot on possibly the greatest thing to come out of the North of England since Marmite/Worcester Sauce[?] /Terry's Chocolate Orange / Newcastle Brown Ale..[delete as appropriate]

Anonymous said...

Couldn't you write a grovelling letter to Ifor Williams Trailers, and tell them what a good deal you could offer on some advertising on the blog in exchange for one of their super horseboxes ??

http://www.iwt.co.uk/home.htm

In fact they have some 'breaking news' from the North East of England..

dulwichmum said...

I missed the post office on Saturday as we had unexpected visitors - grrr, I am working from home tomorrow and will be posting your tea by 10 am. I love the idea of cosmic ordering.

Good for you.

I want a convertable mini.

Drunk Mummy said...

Dear M&M - I am really worried by your juxtaposition of the name Noel Edmonds and the phrase 'I'll have a bit of that.'
What was on your cosmic order a year ago - or at the very least, what half request did you receive?
btw - the column can not be very far off.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Gill, you were the inspiration!

Anon, I always think carefully about what I wish for. BTW, have you seen the price Mr Ifor Williams wants for his divine trailers?

NMO, what do you reckon it is? ;)

Anon, The Observer would do nicely, thank you...

Dulwich Mum, if you wave your magic wand, I'm sure you can have one!

Drunk Mummy, I shudder at what you imply! (I got the pay rise I 'ordered' - wish I'd asked for more now!!!)

Iota said...

I think between us, we have done a tiny bit for world understanding (not sure about world peace). You live in England, yearned for Bigelow American tea, and have found it. I live in the US, yearned for PG tips, and have found them (in a marvellous shop called World Market). I understand your yearning. I'm sure you understand mine. We have both found ways through, to happiness.

I'm sorry I can't do the column or the horse box.

Mopsa said...

Somehow, I suspect wish number one is on the horizon. My current wish is for otters.

Gill said...

My cosmic blogasmic ordering works in such a way that I get things from my unconscious, like crinoline ladyboys, which can be a bit surreal-

@themill said...

Do you think Jonny Wilkinson is an order too far?

rilly super said...

M&M, impressed by your success in this wishing thing, can you write on your little list 'strife in the north to get a few more votes in the blogpower thingy'

I'ms sure you could have that column you know. The Northern echo gave a column to a steel worker who at first said he wanted to write about a column about his life as a glamourous girl lapdancer, so obviously in your case you just need to pretend to work for Corus. Just as you say, shy bairns get nowt...

rilly super said...

what I meant to say was unforthcoming children go unrewarded - oops

mountainear said...

What a brilliant concept. Can't help at all with the first two but will do my utmost to promote world peace and understanding. (You see - that's working already)

Marianne said...

I got what I wished for, but it wasn't what I wanted. Now, I'm scared to wish, but I know what I want.

Let us know what happens. It is an interesting idea, but the universe has an odd sense of humour.

Stay at home dad said...

I love the way the horsebox comes before world peace...

Vanessa said...

Anonymous said: "the greatest thing to come out of the North of England since Marmite/Worcester Sauce"

Do feel that, pedantic as it may be, I should point out that Worcestershire sauce comes from um, Worcester. Which isn't in the North of England, it's in the Midlands. Or at least it has been since I was born there in 1970.

Told you it was pedantic - couldn't resist. Sorry.

Good luck with the horsebox and the newspaper column. World peace may prove trickier.

Anonymous said...

eminem, not sure what your point is about the horsebox - I would have thought it would be far cheaper to buy than a car ?

mutterings and meanderings said...

Iota, glad you got your tea. Tea is so important!

Mopsa, I am sure you will get your otters...

Gill, you are just so good at this!

@themill, you can but ask ...

Rilly, I am clicking daily ...

Mountainear, it is indeed working already ...

marianne, wish away ...

SAHD, I thought it was more achievable...

Vanessa, I thoght that too!

Anon, not cheaper than the cars I buy unfortunately.

Crystal Jigsaw said...

I'm feeling rather tired today; hence I read the title of your blog as "Orgasmic Ordering".

Guess I have something to wish for! Crystal x

Jane said...

You could combine the three. Get yourself a sponsored horsebox to go round the world and promote world peace, and write a column about it.

Omega Mum said...

I think you're very wise to put world peace last. Because if it happens just when you get your column, you won't have anything to write about........Good luck with all three, anyway. Updates requested. I also like the comment about being careful about what you wish for. My newspaper column would undoubtedly be on the lines of, 'Ma behind bars. Road rage/computer rage killer mother gives her first thoughts on trading borage for porridge,' (or whatever)

Lizzie said...

Should I get the cards out m&m? If you send me a lock of your hair... (can you do that in cyberspace,) Anyhow, maybe I could let you know what you will get, perhaps....

[Btw, dm, so do I.]

mutterings and meanderings said...

CJ, you just have to go and ask your farmer ...

Jane, that sounds fun but I think the cats and the Grey Mare may get a little disorientated ...

OM, you could be right. Anyway, I am so argumentative, world peace wouldn't last long anyway!

Ooh, Lizzie, yes please!

Ruth said...

I like the idea of blogasmic ordering! I'd like:
A publisher for my book Spinning the Web
A regular Wise Woman column
A new camper van.
So here's a big thankyou to the universe in advance!

Karen said...

Good luck with things M&M. The only things I have managed to order are good parking spaces and snow when I didn't want to go to school.

I would like money to buy a house in Carlisle near the area I live in now, with a garden and in a quiet area so I can have a cat and not worry about it getting run over.

I would also like a well paid creative job that I enjoy.

A column in a weekly newspaper sounds good but I'm not sure I have enough to whinge about! Barbara Ellen gets on my tit end and would rejoice at her demise also.

DJ Kirkby said...

Ooooh I love this idea, must post my order up on my blog...will def include a request for a publisher who makes regular large payments into my account so I can be a WAHM!

mutterings and meanderings said...

Well, here's hoping the universe is currently online and sees her way to making all our wishes come true!

Pig in the Kitchen said...

perhaps with the last one you were subconsciously hoping to end up LOOKING like Miss World, so maybe you will succeed in your diet and be thin for the summer.
I may give it a go too!
pigx