Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Yellow peril

The look this spring is bloodshot eyes and a dripping nose, accessorised with a barking cough. But get it while you can – it only lasts while the oilseed rape is in flower.

I feel as if someone has sprayed pepper up my nose. I am sick of sneezing. I am not alone in this affliction; I know lots of people who have never been affected before who are cursing the yellow peril this year. One of my friends reckons that oilseed rape is banned in America because of health concerns. I don’t know how true this is, but I wish it were banned in my vicinity.

Apparently, eating honey made by local bees can build up your immunity and protect you against oilseed rape pollen. I considered buying ‘rapeseed honey’ from Aldi, but I don’t think it was made by Northumbrian bees.

In bed at night, as my nose drips into the pillow, I fantasise about another cure for my ills. If I could start a clandestine campaign, just like the Luddites of old, with an army of the afflicted equipped with blowtorches

That would sort it.

13 comments:

dulwichmum said...

Poor you! The fields look so very pretty. I hadn't considered the discomfort that this causes. I hear that local honey is a wonderful cure - failing that I do love Beconaise myself.

DM

Chip Dale said...

Just be glad all the bees are dying because of mobile phones. The crops won't pollinate and in a year or two your problems will be solved.

lady macleod said...

LOL, not at your dire straits but your wonderful description. I very much like the color and scheme of your blog.

rilly super said...

never mind the honey, just go straight to the mead darling. get some of your local stuff and it will not only aid your hay fever but it's an aphrodisic too they say, although in view of your comments about Peter Mandelson, be careful in whose company you drink it dear.

@themill said...

Glad we don't grow it.
Re the computer - mine ate all 10,000 words of my dissertation and totally f*****d up the back up disk too, three weeks before I had to hand it in. The combined force of the entire uni techie department couldn't salvage it.

Anonymous said...

What is the reason that this has become the 'cash crop' of choice ?

Money tends to be at the heart of all these decisions, so I'm not sure if the farmers get more subsidy for it.

ziggi said...

take 8mg of chlorphenamine with 2 paracetamol wash down with very large G&T stick tissue up nose recline on 3 pillows and pass out.

please advise when blow torch ready and I will join you in the fray!

The Secretary said...

Forget all those 'herbal' cures that get bandied about - I am all for drugs, that's the way to go. Go to the quacks and ask for Fexodenidine (Telfast). I can assure you that within half an hour you'll be cured. Failing that go with Ziggi's suggestion - even if it's just for the G&T!!!

mutterings and meanderings said...

Strangely, I am feeling better today - maybe the rain has helped?

Dulwich mum, it may look pretty but it's evil ..

Chippy, don't make me feel guilty! It's not my fault the bees are dying ...

Lady M, welcome and thankyou. I am rather passionate about purple..

Rilly, you could be right - one sniff of mead and ...

@themill - oh my God, that is truly truly dreadful! What did you do? My dissertation was typed for me by a departmental secretary for £40. I didn't 'do' typing in those days!

Anon, I don't know but I believe there is a big drive to plant the evil, stinking stuff...

Ziggi, i think thta would indeed knock me out. I am a fan of sticking tissue up a dripping nose though! Welcome to the blowtorch gang...

Secretary, my fear of antihistamines is that they mak eme sleepy...

Brom said...

I hate the smell of the stuff, but thankfully I sneezeth not...

The "Purple" bit just hit home.. now I am worried.

Oh, you have homework over at mine.

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Call me cautious, but I'm not sure you should take Ziggi's advice...

@themill said...

Anon - no subsidy just a believe that it will hit the bio fuel market.

Richard Havers said...

I've just bought a bottle of extra virgin rape seed oil that is supposed to be like olive oil in taste. I wonder if it does the same thing as the honey?

I'll report back on the taste.