Friday, April 13, 2007

The Back Lady

The grey mare has stolen another heart to add to her collection.

“I know a hundred people who would like to have her,” said the Back Lady. “She must be worth her weight in gold.” The grey mare looked on with alacrity, knowing such compliments are her due.

The Back Lady was here to check, manipulate and massage the horses. Out of place joints and vertebrae were clicked back to from whence they came. The grey girl had slightly stiff shoulders, a little soreness on her back end but her condition was, in the main, not bad. Some racehorses have fortnightly sessions; the grey mare will be due another in six months.

The grey girl looked a little alarmed when the Back Lady pulled her tail but settled into a trancelike state when the massage machine came out. This amazing handheld gizmo emits magnetic pulses and massages deep into the muscles.

In a few days, I will receive an email showing my mare’s problem points and exercises to be done regularly to stop the stiffness building up. These include ‘carrot stretches' which the mare enjoys, as she is rewarded for her efforts.


When she was finished, the Back Lady surreptitiously slipped her an extra carrot. “Shush,” she said, “crunch it quietly, or the others will hear you."

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh, I so want a 'Back Lady' of my own - she sounds marvellous !!

Anonymous said...

Someone I know who had a few back problems referred to her chiropractor as the 'clunk and click' lady, due to the pulling and pushing required to get the spine 'up straight' again..

Anonymous said...

eminem - You didn't tell us before that you'd worked for the BBC ?!

Tell us more, possum, it sounds very exciting and more than a little intriguing...

mutterings and meanderings said...

Just local radio, anon, not very exciting really.

Brom said...

Many ladies go into a trance like state when the massage machine is plugged in. Apparently.

Magnetic pulses? hmmm going to think about that one.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on eminem, the BBC is still the BBC.

That said BBC Radio Bristol is truly diabolical, and beyond any 'Alan Partridge' style parody...

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Like a sort equine TENS machine! Bless! I really must get riding again, I keep saying I'll get back in the saddle (as it were!) following my last experience - being thrown from naughty Bandit!

Drunk Mummy said...

I think there is a "Carrot Stretch" class on offer at my local gym - if not, there ought to be!

mutterings and meanderings said...

Brom, I'm not scientifically-minded but the grey girl thought it was marvellous ...

NMO, get thee back into the saddle. There's nothing like it.

Drunk Mummy, carrot (or perhaps chardonnay) stretches should be a required part of any exercise regime!

Karen said...

I could do with a back lady. My dad especially could as he always has a bad back but never does anything about it which seems odd to me. Apparently they're going to invent a back scratching robot, so say New Scientist anyway.

BBC Radio Cumbria has its own Alan Partridge in the early breakfast slot which means I can't listen to it with a straight face. I only ever listened to it to find out if my school was shut by snow. And during the bad floods in Carlisle in 2005 because we'd lost our TV signal at mum and dad's house.