Sunday, April 15, 2007

Joules girls

I love getting the new season’s horsy catalogues through the post. Ride Away, Robinson’s and Derby House all bring a smile to my face and a sense of anticipation as I study the sweet, new-smelling pages. The Internet’s all well and good, but there’s nothing like getting to grips with a shiny new catalogue stuffed to the gunwales with things I think I want but can’t afford.

The people who stride across these pages have lives that bear little resemblance to mine. They can wear lemon, lilac and pale blue shirts with alacrity; they can don beige jodhs and breeches on a daily basis without fear. They, it would seem, are never troubled by mud, muck, or dribble.

Take today, for example: a beautiful warm spring day with a hint of breeze. I have arena dust in my ears and my hair; I have white horse hairs on my socks and my sleeve; I have green horse saliva on my jodhpurs. In the winter, I return home caked in mud and often have hay in my hair.

My beige breeches only come out for ‘good’ along with my long leather boots. Even then, I wear a pair of trousers over the top of them until just before I mount. It’s only wise when you have a horse that likes to use you as a scratching post.


Sometimes, I wish I were a Joules girl. Joules girls are never dirty, their hair is artfully tousled, their eyes sparkle and their skin glows. But then I console myself with the thought that life’s no fun unless you’re getting your hands dirty.

24 comments:

james higham said...

Joules girls. Reminds me of something from the 20s - the "It" girl and the other ones. Don't forget I'm 116 years old.

But what really struck me was:

"stuffed to the gunwales".

Now that's a sailing term and that's my sport. How does a horse lover know of these things?

Wondrous things occur.

mutterings and meanderings said...

James, I am a woman of many cliches ...

Anonymous said...

Now stop complaining ! some of us chaps think a girl with hay in her straw looks seriously attractive..

Anonymous said...

Hmm..not so sure about your use of the term 'alacrity'..

Surely it is you and your horse that proceed with alacrity ? Unless you are talking about getting dressed very quickly if you have overslept ?

Anonymous said...

Ooops.. I think I meant to say, 'straw in your hair'..!

Anonymous said...

One thing that slightly concerns me is whether 'horsey' gets any say in what she is going to wear ?

Perhaps you could get her a little fake 'unicorn' attachment to point at her favourite items ? Or you could point at suggested items, like a new blanket, and ask her to nod her head?

Or perhaps you could attach a mouse to her hoof and cart your laptop to her stable, so she could web surf for herself ?

Just a thought...

mutterings and meanderings said...

Anon, I use 'alacrity' to mean 'cheerful willingness', as defined here http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=alacrity

The mare always has the nicest things to wear because I pick them for her. She is always beautifully turned out.

Anonymous said...

Aha - I got confused because a great uncle who drew cartoons and wrote poems to go with them described an old family car [maybe a Wolseley or Morris Oxford] as getting you to the farm with 'ease and alacrity'. Maybe he just thought that motor cars have personalities..

But there is no need for you to be a Joules girl - if you have breeches and long boots then I'm sure you are fine just the way you are. Even if does cause us chaps to occasionally get our words mixed up..

Anonymous said...

p.s. sorry, but it occurred to me that you could kill two birds with one stone by proposing to Prince William. You both like horses and he has got plenty of dosh, so I'm sure he could let you have a little farm somewhere. You could even give his cousin Zara a hand, although you'd be brave to tangle with Princess Anne.

Just a thought, as they say..after all, it is leap year next year.

The Grocer said...

Long leather boots, caked in mud with hay in your hair, mm I wonder what that conjures up, on a Sunday too you should be ashamed girl.

Orhan Kahn said...

You're right, internet has nothing on a freshly pressed cataloge.

Anonymous said...

Now here's a tough question for you - what is the difference between the colour lavender and lilac ?

I only ask because the so-called 'lavender list' [ask your mum] was allegedly actually lilac in colour.

Maybe Marcia Falkender thought it looked nicer.

So how would you describe the colour of your site background, and the colour of that top worn by the nice lady on the right ?

Gill said...

I was once discussing the difficulty of distinguishing lavender and lilac with a male gay friend. (Apparently different colours mean different things in an ancient gay code before being homosexual was ok legally). He said that OBVIOUSLY lavender is much bluer and lilac more pink.

Gill said...

Anonymous did you play with 'my little pony' when you were younger?

Brom said...

I couldn't possibly comment on long boots and jodhupurs without having to take a cold shower.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Anon, I think Gill's mate has it spot on in the lavender v lilac debate.

The Joules girl in the pic is wearing pink. My background is purple.

And the rest of you lot making comments abotu breeches and long leather boots - behaaaaaaaaaaave! (as a certain Mr Powers would say).

Anonymous said...

So do you also have to wear a tweed jacket due to the horse's need to rub up against you ? Or is that a bit passée these days ?

Gill said...

This may be a case of stereotyping but I think you need to be gay to work out these subtle colour shadings...especially when cruising in a dark bar.

Karen said...

I would agree about lilac vs lavender that lavender is more blue.

I would rather be a Gudrun Sjödén girl - www.gudrunsjoden.co.uk - myself.

mutterings and meanderings said...

Anon, I do indeed have a tweed jacket, but it (along with the suede-seated beige breeches and those aforementioned long leather boots) only comes out for 'posh'.

Gill, I reckon it's obvious -"Lavenders blue, dilly, dilly..."

Karen, I couldn't go riding in that stuff!

Gill said...

It's a terribly subtle and important choice; is he wearing pink, light pink, hot pink, magenta, lilac or lavender? Is that grey, black or charcoal? Brown, beige or khaki?

Interior designers don't carry pantone colour charts around with them just to check if the carpets match the curtains, they are checking out the scene ;-)

Anonymous said...

Ah, but Gill, you are forgetting 'cerise' are you not ?

Karen said...

and fuchsia and mauve.

"Oh he's so mauve isn't he..." Uncle Monty in Withnail & I.

Karen said...

M&M have you seen the Florence and Fred advert where the woman is riding a horse in a posh white frock and gets splattered with mud? See you could ride in something from Gudrun - it's very comfy stuff!